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Suck-Ass Performer of the Game
Jason Kubel
Jason Kubel
(0-5, 2 K, 3 LOB)
Suck-Ass Performance Stats
Player Number
Jason Kubel 14
Michael Cuddyer 11
Nick Blackburn 10
Matt Guerrier 10
Denard Span 9
Alex Burnett 8
Orlando Hudson 8
Kevin Slowey 8
Jim Thome 8
Scott Baker 6
J.J. Hardy 6
Jon Rauch 6
Francisco Liriano 5
Justin Morneau 5
Delmon Young 5
Jesse Crain 4
Brendan Harris 3
Ron Mahay 3
Joe Mauer 3
Carl Pavano 3
Matt Tolbert 3
Danny Valencia 3
Drew Butera 2
Matt Capps 2
Alexi Casilla 2
Jose Mijares 2
Nick Punto 2
Jason Repko 2
Drew Butera 1
Brian Duensing 1
Randy Flores 1
Ron Gardenhire 1
Jeff Manship 1
Pat Neshek 1
Glen Perkins 1
Trevor Plouffe 1
Wilson Ramos 1
Anthony Slama 1

Well, the Twins beat the Orioles today, 4 to 3. Which would be fantastic except that Tofu and Clifford apparently decided to have a baserunner-stranding contest. Redmond eked out a win with 7 left on base, but Harris managed a respectable 6. (And Matt, a small village is 5 as I recall, so I can only conclude that between the 2 of them Harris and Redmond stranded at least a good-sized town.) But Tofu definitely had the suck-ass performance of the day, going 0-4 with 2 strikeouts.

It was an away game, so I listened to the Orioles radio broadcast, which proved interesting... 

Radio Personality #1, who will be henceforth referred to as Show Tune Sam, pronounced Jason Pridie’s name as “pretty” instead of “pride-e”. When he heard the stadium announcer pronounce it the correct way, Sam went off on how he thought his way was right and then broke out in a stirring rendition of “I Feel Pretty.” How come our broadcasters don’t sing? I think we should have musical interludes instead of commercials. They could be appropriate to the situations, too. Think “Defying Gravity” following a home run, “Tomorrow” during a lopsided loss, or “Singin’ in the Rain” during a rain delay. Perhaps the Twins could even participate. Blackburn could show off his vocal stylings on “Oklahoma” and Mauer could perform “Anything You Can Do.” It would be awesome, trust me.

The Orioles guys finished the broadcast with the following exchange (some liberties may be taken with my transcript as I’m doing it from memory):

Show Tune Sam: Don’t you remember that song? “I Feel Pretty”?
Other Guy: Yes, I just didn’t expect to hear my broadcast partner singing it to me. *laughter* Are you touching my knee?

Whaaat? Singing and homoerotic tendencies? So not fair. We never having anything nearly so exciting.

Funniest thing I heard today? Erik Bedard has a sore butt. Best. Injury. Ever. I mean, who doesn’t wish they could skip work because their ass hurt? I sure do. I wonder if he has to sit on one of those donut pillows people use when they break their tailbones…




0 # Dad 2009-03-20 14:43
Love the "sore butt" injury report!
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